Music By Memory


I play guitar, bass, and drums.
I dig the following:
Kings of Leon, U2, Counting Crows, Rocky Votolato, Oasis, Noel Gallagher,
Blues, Jam Bands, Acoustic, 90s hip hop
Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Justified, Modern Family Scrubs, That 70s Show
I love the English language
I write songs & poetry

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I’m bummin’

I just got finished watching the show Freaks and Geeks on Netflix. It was such an amazing show. I’m sad because it was only one season. I totally would have been satisfied with two seasons, but one… c’mon! 

Anyway, I’m kind of sad because I never really had a childhood where I had friends. Growing up, I was involved in the boyscouts, I played baseball, went to hebrew school, and on the weekends where I wasn’t camping, I was with my parents. 

I didn’t really ever fit into one specific group and never hung out at my friends’ houses, and they certainly never came to my house. Every now and then I’d go hang out with a friend, but it’s weird looking back on it, I was almost afraid to have friends. 

I never got to experience sitting around with a group of friends playing video games, or playing basketball. I never really got that experience. 

Wait up… now that I think about it… I did do the band thing. So I’d go hang out and play with a few of the bands I was in. But they were never like cool bands, they were always like manufactured bands. Like, oh you play drums, let’s play. It was never hey we’re friends who play together. 

Fuck I just want to play music again. and write some good shit. 

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Ugh, I need to get this off my chest so it doesn’t weigh me down. Nothing bad really, just got lodged in my brain. 

This morning was the worst traffic I’ve ever seen! With no traffic, I live 15-20 minutes away from my work. But with traffic, normally it takes 40-45 minutes. I’m supposed to be there at 9am, so 8:55am. I leave around 8:20am and I’m usually good. Sometimes a few minutes late if I leave around 8:25am, but today was just crap. 

I woke up late. For whatever reason, I never heard my alarms go off. I woke up at 8:30am. I rushed out the door and was in my car by 8:40am. So even if the traffic was normal, I would have been in by 9:20am and I would have been late. This is the first thing that’s bothering me. I can never get up when I need to. 

I heard my first alarm today and I rolled over. I normally set 5 alarms because it gives me time to get up. They are all three minutes apart and the last one goes off in plenty of time for me to take a quick shower, throw a bagel in the toaster, and head out the door. But today I just didn’t hear the other alarms. I also set a back up alarm that goes off an hour before I have to be at work, so even if I hear that I still have 15 minutes to get ready and head out the door — No shower, but hey, I got cologne. 

The other part that bothered me today was how horrible the traffic was! So I ended up getting to work at 9:45am. It took an hour to get to work! I literally sat not moving for a good 15 minutes! For whatever reason the traffic was to the point where I ended up leaving it to find a better route. Honestly, I think that was a poor decision because I ended up getting stuck in other traffic. I just need to leave at 8:15am and that’s that. 

I’m tired of not having any self control. I need to start holding myself accountable! I got lucky today (and I usually do). I didn’t get yelled at. I got a “look” but once I told her that the traffic was horrible, she understood. But really, I need to start taking more responsibility. And I know saying it doesn’t help. I need to take action. But for now, I’ll have to get passed it. 

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Are you thinking of me right now? Cuz I’m totally thinking of you. I haven’t stopped thinking of you all day long! What makes me question you is that you didn’t text me when you got back to school, like I asked you to. I just wanted to know you were okay and that you got home safe. When we said goodbye you said you’d probably text me on the train ride back. You never did, I texted you and you responded. I texted you saying “thanks for a great weekend, you’re amazing” and you texted me back saying “no problem”. 

I know it wasn’t supposed to be all emotional and shit, but I really got attached. And I’m not sure if it’s because you’re 7 hours away and I can’t be around you that makes me want you or if it’s that you’re awesome. I didn’t feel awkward really around you. I was able to be goofy and we had a great time. I haven’t felt like that in years. 

I’m also wondering if I’m more attracted to you because you weren’t really clingy this weekend. I don’t know… that’s not really important. All I know is that before this weekend, I really didn’t want a relationship and now I can’t stop thinking of spending time with you. I really care for you and really miss you. I wish we could do all the relationship things that are really cute. The theme park trips. The mini golf and arcade dates. The movie date. 

Laying on my bed with you and just listening to music was the most amazing thing I’ve done in a while. It really was a breath of fresh air. I hope you understand and know that this weekend wasn’t just about sex. I mean, it started out that way, but it ended up becoming much more than that. I really don’t know what to say other than I miss you and I hope you feel the same way I feel. 

I know you’re away at school and I don’t want to come back down here because of me. That’d not be something I’d do for anybody so I don’t expect that at all. But if you ever do relocate down to So Cal, I’d love to maybe try a relationship with you. 

I care for you and miss you. <3 Love, me.

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Update

So I finally had sex with her. It was great. We fucked for almost an hour! I almost came three times, but held it back and eventually I came. She lost count of how many times she came. Then she spent the night, but had to wake up super early for school at 6am. It was a great night. 

I’ve never really had a chick who’s been into rough sex, so last night when she started scratching and biting me, it was startling at first, but I fucking got into it. Now I know she’s into that shit! 

On a personal level, I’ve been battling with whether or not I want to put the effort into a relationship. At one end of the spectrum, I think she’s cool. She’s fun to hang out with and we get along well. On the other hand, we don’t have too much in common, but that doesn’t mean we can’t build on it. 

I also have issues connecting intimately. I’m afraid I’ll fuck up, or I immediately want out so I start thinking “what’s the use of having a relationship”. But now I think it’s to find another part of myself. It’s to grow. I want to be able to overcome these fears! And up until yesterday I was unsure of how I felt. I know I wanted to work my issues out. But I also wanted to feel comfortable. 

I spoke with my dad briefly on the matter. And he told me that just because something was easy doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the right choice. So I’ve decided to further pursue this relationship in hopes that I drop my fear of intimate relationships. 

In other news, I had my first class of lecture today. It was intense, not going to lie. This professor wants a lot out of us, and I’ll have to start focusing my energy into more refined tasks and homework rather than watching shit loads of television. I realize that I’ll have to just power through. The thing is though, I feel my professor will really help simplify things if I just put in the effort. With that said, I’m going to start my homework now.